This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
