i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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