My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
