i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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