Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
