I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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