; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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