I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
