i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You made out with two different species that night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
