Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
