you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
