In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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