So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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