Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
