Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
