You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
