i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
