I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
