i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
