You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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