i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
