Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
