We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
