I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
