Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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