I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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