She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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