I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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