Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
