she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
