I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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