I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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