Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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