Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
