What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
