I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
