i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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