he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
