the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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