btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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