Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
