I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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