i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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