I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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