Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
