He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it penis luge time yet?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
