i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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