He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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