We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
