my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
