And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
