Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
