you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
